ANDY W., a financial expert, and ALLYSON W., a fashion exec, were kind enough to talk to me—separately and anonymously—about Andy's bachelor party in 1991, and subsequent bachelor parties for “The Boys,” his close-knit group of friends from junior high and high school. “They're a really good group of guys,” says Allyson, mother of three, from her home in Atlanta . “If I had to pick a group of friends for my husband, this would be the group that I would pick.”

ANDY: I was one of the first to get married. My bachelor party was okay. I was living in Florida , so all The Boys flew down, and my brother took care of the arrangements.

ALLYSON: I tried not to think about it. Because you hear that the groom has sex or there's blowjobs, and everybody gets drunk. You know, it's this wild and crazy time, because the groom thinks, “Oh, this is my last opportunity to be with somebody, or to do things a single person would do.” That was—and I guess still is—my impression of bachelor parties.

ANDY: My bachelor party met my expectations, because I didn't know any better. But it was sterile, because there was no extracurricular activity or what I call “side jobs.” It was basically hot-oil wrestling in a ring, and there were two girls wearing little shorts. And my brother got to rub the oil on them and prepare them to wrestle me. And there's a guy who moderates and makes a bunch of stupid and funny comments and shit. They videotape it and give you the tape at the end of the night. That was probably the only thing that made it so cool: that I got to see it after. I brought it home and showed it to my wife the night before we left for our honeymoon.

ALLYSON: Our wedding was late morning/early afternoon. By early evening it was over. And we get into the limo, and Andrew was extremely upset because apparently he specifically requested a car with a VCR so he could show me his bachelor party video. I, on the other hand, was really not so upset because, quite frankly, I was not interested in watching my husband with another woman the night of my wedding.

When we checked into the hotel, he made sure that we had a VCR. So we get to the room, and he puts in the video. The whole time I'm telling him, “You know what, I really don't want to watch this.” If he sensed my unease, I don't really think he cared; he was so excited about it that he wanted me to see it. But the timing sucked. Are you kidding me? It was horrible; it was almost like watching your husband in a soft-core porn movie.

I guess it does make me feel good that he wanted to show it to me. Because it kinda means that he feels close enough that he could share something so personal that didn't include me. I don't remember feeling jealous when I watched. That's one good thing about our relationship: there is like 100% trust...at least on my side. So it's not that, you know, every time he goes out I'm worried. I mean there have been times—I can't believe I'm telling you this—that Andrew and I would be driving down the street with our kids. And this car pulls up with these young girls. And he'll say, “Put your head down, put your head down. I have to look at these girls.” And I'm like, “Are you crazy? You're a guy driving a minivan with three kids in the backseat. Do you really think they're gonna look at you?” That's kind of the relationship that we have. I think it's all in fun. Of course, it could be a ploy to throw me off, but I guess because a lot of it is in front of me, I don't really worry about it.

ANDY: After my party, she came up with “The Rules” for future bachelor parties: There's no kissing, there's no licking. There's no touching of wet parts—that would be a vagina. And no sniffing, you know, smelling a girl's vagina.

Wives need to be realistic. I find it unrealistic to have a wife say, “I don't want you going near vagina, I don't want you touching boobs, I don't want anybody stripping in front of you.” I don't think that's right. My wife has a great sense of humor: no touching of wet parts . Okay, I can't stick my finger in some girl's vagina.

ALLYSON: My husband is extremely sexual. Obviously I think he is a very handsome man. He also has the ability to make anybody that he's with feel special and good about themselves. You know, he's a charmer. And I know sexually, what he likes and what he wants. So I established The Rules, which I don't remember now, but I think it was: no touching, no licking, no sniffing, and definitely no touching of wet parts. Because, quite frankly, some guys are boob guys, some guys are ass guys. Andrew is all about the bottom half of the body: the wet parts.

I was never upset that he was going to bachelor parties, but The Rules were just so that he knew that this is where I was coming from, and that this is what I didn't want to happen. So, however he was able to maneuver around those rules was up to him, I guess.

For my bachelorette party, all I wanted to do was go out to dinner with friends. That's it. Going to clubs, having a guy do whatever, that doesn't interest me; I'd rather be with my husband. But the guys were always really excited about the bachelor parties. They probably felt that they could do whatever they wanted and there was nobody there to get mad at them or say you can't do this or that. It's like a rite of passage for them. And it's probably something that most men feel they need to experience to one degree or another. All right, so be it. So long as it stops there.

ANDY: I guess for some guys the bachelor party is about turning yourself into a real man and becoming a real husband and going into a long-term, monogamous relationship, and saying goodbye to all the bullshit. But my friends are not very philosophical. We want to see pussy. I don't think it is anything deeper.

While I wasn't able to do that at my party, as the rest of The Boys got married, the bachelor parties all got greater and greater. I'm telling you, the third and the fourth and the fifth: those were the real good, juicy, disgusting ones.

After me, the next guy to get engaged was Mikey P. And I'm like, “I will be in charge of doing the bachelor party.” So me and one of the other boys got together and found a lady named Josie.

Josie would bring over a binder of pictures of girls, and basically I would go thumb through it. You know, it was kind of a funny thing, but it was very cool. We always wanted one hot girl and one girl for degradation, which is disgusting to say, being a forty-year-old, and I have three daughters; just so you know, I believe God is getting back at me for what I have done. Not just at bachelor parties.

So yeah, one's for degradation and that was Crazy Mary's forte. Back in the '90s, they did not have, or I did not hire what they have now; nowadays they can pop shit out of their vaginas or puff a cigar. Back in my day, it was a Heinz-Ketchup-bottle-insertion program, it was a tall Budweiser. And Crazy Mary was a perennial. At every party we had, she was in attendance; we pretty much had her ass on retainer.

I'm sure most guys kept a lot of shit close to their breast. But if you ask my wife about Crazy Mary, she'd say, “Oh yeah, she's the girl who goes to all the parties and would take bottles and, you know, do disgusting stuff.”

ALLYSON: I know about the two strippers: one is usually pretty and one will do whatever they want. But other than that, I don't really know. I don't know who did what, I don't know if anything was done. One of his friends did allude to the fact that things definitely happen at those bachelor parties. But he wouldn't say anything else. So it's still kind of a secret.

ANDY: Josie would always also bring a few extra girls. You would go to the bathroom and get oral; you would go to the bathroom and get a hand job. I don't think any of The Boys availed themselves of that, but a lot of the other guys at the party definitely did. You know, we all went away to college at different places, so we all made friends that would be involved in the bachelor parties. And it was the imported guys that typically went for the side jobs.

The third party I think was Dave's. And he got so drunk so fast that he passed out at the party. Before he passed out, Dave kept saying, “My uncle's here,” and he felt kind of squeamish about that. So we immediately sent Crazy Mary to play with Dave's Uncle Zeke and to put him in a compromising position; she sat with him and pushed her boobies in his uncle's face, whatever. But this way, Uncle Zeke would keep his mouth shut and wouldn't go back to Dave's father and say, “Hey, you should have seen what they did at the party.”

But really Dave could not avail himself of anything, because he passed out so early in the party. So that was a lesson for the next party.

Each of the parties got progressively better. The last one was for Swish; it was at a private club that really did not have that much privacy. Of course we had the veteran Mary, who at this time, the joke is, was retired in Florida and we had to pull her out of retirement. We also had a lot of side jobs.

I didn't do side jobs. I think you gotta know before you get married that you're going in for the long haul—with this piece of ass for the rest of your life. And if you can't come to terms with it, don't get married.

ALLYSON: I don't know if he did or he didn't; he didn't tell me if he did. But I think that if you're getting married to somebody, you need to trust that person. And that person needs to respect you enough to honor that trust. And I think if you're going into a marriage thinking your husband is going to have sex at a bachelor party, maybe you should re-think what you are doing.

ANDY: Most men are not gonna cheat at the bachelor party, because all your guys are there. Even if you do have side jobs in the bathroom or wherever, you know who's going back there. I know who went back there. But I would never fucking tell anybody.